Bad smells

You know, I understand that certain animals—or more accurately, all animals, especially those with an olfactory sense far exceeding our own—like to make everything smell like them, and they don’t regard them as bad odors, but us WASPy-clean Americans living in a country settled by Puritans (and indentured servants) have very particular noses. We bathe daily, we shave, we get our panties in a wad when Janet Jackson flashes her titty (while at the same time, American civilians in Iraq were being burned alive with their barbecued corpses got strung over bridges and the media hardly gave a shit) and we don’t expect average people to have such smelly houses. I can’t believe how many houses I’ve been to that smell like every possible secretion produced by the human body combined! Now, I’ve been told Riverside is a smelly city. In fact, I’d wager the whole of Southern California is a pretty smelly place due to the pollution, but only to those not familiar with it. When I’m told by a relative who’s from out of town that this place stinks, it moves me to want to change it. (When displaced Orange County-ites complain about it, it moves me to want make it smell worse so we can be rid of displaced Orange County-ites.) Someone has to tell these people at some point that their houses and apartments smell worse than shit. They must at least be able to infer the bad smell by the way I hold my nose every time I get near them. Please, people! Clean your houses regularly! If not because you’ll be healthier, but also for the sake of pizza drivers!